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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Little Cathartic Rant Today!

Humans are so-o-o disappointing when they only continuously shirk their own courage to live their own lives, no matter the consequences. Today, I am letting my feelings of utter letdown spill forth, in an effort to release the toxic build-up. A build-up connected to my hopes and beliefs over twenty years of good faith in my generation. To release my profound frustration and disappointment today after the Oregon Primary.
Vulnerability is the seat of true personal power folks_ wake up!
Here is the ugly secret about Portland, Oregon as I am experiencing it so far, after returning to live here again twenty-eight years later: it is dominated by young people with good credit and a lot of energy. What that means is, the wisdom, vanity, self-indulgence, life-experience, and willingness-to-take-creative-risks of the OLDER sixties generation who still do, is only co-opted and generally treated as an object of denial. A reflexive vibrational, all-too-common quality from this generation's voice. Covert defiance_ insecure, in the individuation process on their path to maturity. It is beyond boring!

So, where am I in all this fomenting over the loss of MY candidate? The loss of a primary election that had the potential to send a VERY POWERFUL message to the entire rest of the world? An important message about America's enlightened capacity for female leadership?!
I am in disbelief at how unenlightened and self-indulged a job my generation has accomplished in raising only meek, corporate-conforming and resentful, materially-indulgent brats_ now home-owning, baby-boomer, generation-three-building, voters!

I brought my own sixties/ early seventies idealisms forward. Where are you people?!
Why didn't you do the therapy? It is possible to find one's "own space," to cultivated one's own identity. I have raised my daughter completely alone in an artistic, intelligent and culturally vibrant, feminist household. She is healthy and likes me!
Remember trusting the momentum of the ERA? That one act put the quality momentum under my life since the year I graduated high school, just as much as my generation's phenomenal cultural inspiration to influence this country for the better, in spite of itself.
This is what Cultural Creatives do, damn it! Bridge disparate groups and form new hybrids. Combine robust expressions of possibility out of differences. Uplift! Inspire! Courageously! Against the odds!
Now, I am out here in mid-life and you? I am ready to create something new and yet the landscape has no momentum. It seems only to be littered with a noisy, self-centered, material ugliness reflected in my generation's failures to liberate historical shame. Instead passing it on unconsciously from one generation to the next; an abuse that is again all too common an expression of familial love!

No. No. No. Where is the real courage? Not dependency on illusive security! Where is the idealism? The trust?

My life depends on this, what about yours really?! I cannot go forward alone anymore in a social landscape where my peers have only brought forward avoidance, denial. Flat out ignoring what is possible, to another's very own face_ because attention, priority, intention, value are all unconsciously materially distracted_ ONLY tied up in making money. You don't even know what money is?

Sex, drugs, and a rock-and-roll history to be ashamed of, huh? This is all you thought your past life, your pre-family life, your youth meant? You are ashamed and that is all?! That's all? WAKE UP! I am not advocating living in a mis-spent youthful past. I am talking about HOW all the dots are connected.
Looking back ask yourselves, HOW did so many people in "our generation" erupt into such pervasive, simultaneous spontaneity all over the country during our youth? WE did NOT have the iPods, text-messaging, or internet. We did however, help invent and perpetuate this junk in the pursuit of money, damn it!
Never-the-less, something truly powerful happened when we were younger, without technology! Something in human consciousness found its way into expression in our collective spontaneous human experiences then! Leaving it all behind just with a sense of shame is just plain foolish folks!
Some of us eloquently now embody our magnificent era, and still want to make something of ourselves with you, and with your children who are now out here in the marketplace with their technology, good credit and no life experience to speak of! Talk about a license to drive!
I need your help, and we all need each other's help in point-of-fact.
My particular work combines making beautiful art, empowering courage in others through body-centered work, and living consciously in the body through real knowledge of organic nutritional health. Materiality is better with this. Materiality takes on its own proper perspective when these areas are emphasized as the definition of quality of life.

This is how I feel today: I am not going to just be left behind in this damned country. I have worked my ass off alone for a very long time. I say, you owe it to yourself to respond in kind to my challenge here! Try supportive and brave ways of responding for the constructive "change" you "say" matters to you, because people like me have never strayed from that desire for change we already set into motion as a generation in the sixties and seventies. I can help you! Your damn money, and people like me who have intelligently held up the long-term adherence to social, political, cultural, economic ideals. Arrrgh! GET UP!
Whew! That feels better and I mean it too!

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