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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

At My Own Expense

Edited March 11, 2012: I still seem to be approaching everything in this life at my own expense; learning the hard way over and over. Here is what I think I know by experience so far: there is no true support in the socio-economic or political environment of the United States, for a human being to be too literal about the course of action required to build a foundation under one's own life_ let alone how to realize one's own dreams with an assumption of reasonable access in the land of the free. Is that only cynicism?
Naïveté? Just confusion?
Allow me to indulge the moment_ for every hardworking effort I have accomplished over the past twenty years, my life has been caught in this loop of no steady employment; for the past eight_ it has NO employment! How does this happen? As a newly released, once full-time, single parent to a young person now away at college, I am now more adrift than ever before.
Not single-parenting full time alone anymore, is not the bad part. Those years were hard, but not bad. Why did I feel the need to do it that way, you may ask? That would be another post.
Sure, there are major life-transitions to make right now: learning what comes after no longer having the full time job of parenting; leaving the role of taking care of another human being full-time; leaving a larger household to run; all the decisions needed to be made with no input and no relief from the day-to-day, ("Hi honey, I'll get pizza for dinner." Just never walked through the front door of our family's life.) The accumulated lack of energy now present in the interim transition, after years of attending to all the details, every day to keep everything going forward.
The bad part was and is, not being able to even reasonably reach my own life monetarily. (How many of you reading this have just 'gone away' by now?)
Even with a college degree, a ton of skills ('over-qualified' is not a term based in reality!), perhaps not consciously coupled to an equal passion to pursue my own personal interests, yet, I may therefore remain isolated! This part seems too easy to maintain.
Adding to this article, a few years down the road, I now know I owe some brief recognition time for all that has gone well in my past experiences of having done it all myself!
From where I am standing, America is in desperate need of returning to a humanist-centered government and culture. To gain skills of self-reflection without self-indulging folks.
John McCain, much like Bush cannot even pronounce the terms that speak to cognizantly caring about others, let alone understand what this means, or how it translates into action out in the world of the United States of America. Very sad standard, folks!
Still who does? Do any one of us comprehend what it takes to allow people to have a choice, & risk all implications associated therein? To have inclusive access to the choices each one deems right for themselves, for loved ones, their own families? Pragmatic access folks, not historically unconscious privilege. Can the psychologist name what we are playing at? Can the traditional theologian be trusted anymore? Could they ever be, really? How do we wake from this dream? This habit of sleep-walking through a very stale definition of socially defined, yet historically unexamined life, limited to the human ego of nightmarish proportions_ can we wake up collectively yet?

Are we really supposed to have leaders anymore? Is it time for everyone to be consciously responsible for this worldly experience together? What does that look and feel like? Or am I still too early with this kind of questioning?

Here I am today, working on this presidential campaign instead of looking for a job, at least today... yet, from one day to the next, I continue trying everything to make connections take shape!
When I did earn my degree somewhat recently, the dot-com bubble had just burst the year before, taking my savings and investments with it overnight! One year later, Bush was not elected, but was in the White House anyway. I was perimenopausal. In response, I promised myself I would take none of it personally. I had my degree, a family to set an example for, and my dreams. I still do.
Along with a huge and mounting debt load, an inability to even literally keep a roof over my own head at this point_ Ty Pennington, or Oprah that's your cue! I am sleeping on an air mattress, exiled in guysville!
Please note that the current state of my life can almost fulfill the prerequisite for complete sentimental exploitation! Are you awake?!

In piecing together my next round of employment searches, I am just trying to figure out who the next president could possibly be best, to attend to the real needs of this country for the better. A 'better' in this country, like we have not seen or experienced for a very long time. Do we have real choices out there on the campaign trail, or is only politico-media manipulation from one election "event" to the next anymore?

I want to stand on my own two feet in this life, and in the process a body does need reasonable HELP!
How really, are we connected_ one to another?
Leave no consideration, scenario, potential out... It is now 2012, and I have worked several more of those unstable jobs. Yet, even more recently, another gap of hard unemployment filled with lots of volunteer experiences, I am employed in something that holds opportunity to build on! Likewise, I have become more informed about resources such as these:

How is it going for you? What can you add? Drop me a line here on the blog, & thanks for reading this post all the way through.

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